The Start of Phase 3

The Start of Phase 3

(Mirrored on CaringBridge at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/danieljmiller/journal)

 Though the circumstances of last week's hospital visits were far from desirable, it has at least afforded us an extra week's break before the start of our third phase of chemo.  It's been great for Daniel and he's show a lot more energy and better attitude than we've seen in a long time.  It's been an enormous blessing to all 3 of us.

This third phase, called "Interim Maintenance 1" consists of 4 hospital stays (3-4 days each) over the next two months where Daniel will get extra high doses of the drugs Vincristine and Methotrexate.  You may have heard of that 2nd one in the news recently as it's been one of the chemo drugs that are currently in very short supply from generic pharma companies that can't make any money from it.  So far, Riley tells us they haven't had significant trouble in getting what they need.  (hint: 1st Prayer Request).

Because of the extra high doses of this already nasty drug, they need to have Daniel under close watch for a few days after giving it to him. (2nd Prayer Request).  Because Daniel is still terrified of having to stay in the hospital alone for any length of time, we'll have to be there with him the whole stay.  Andrea and I are getting pretty good at tag-teaming it, and we've been VERY grateful for some help from other friends in this regard along the way also.  THANKFULLY, the hospital was willing to reschedule these stays to be over weekends for us so I don't have to miss any more work (or try to continue working after staying at the hospital all night-NOT fun!) 

This first stay, beginning tomorrow (Fri) morning, will also include a spinal tap & injection of MORE Methotrexate into his spinal fluid.  I truly hate everything about the idea of what we're doing to him ... except for the part about killing the cancer.  I'm reminded of the scene in "The Ten Commandments" where Ramses is accusing Moses to the pharaoh and adding little weights onto a balance scale for each accusation until it tips his way.  But then Moses adds a single BRICK onto the other side outweighing all the other points.  Well the ONE benefit of chemotherapy is kinda like that to me.  It's ugly, dirty, nasty, and horrible to look at - but if it does the job, it FAR outweighs everything else.

Ultimately though, our trust is NOT in chemotherapy, or even in miracles.  Our trust is in the One who holds the future - regardless of what it brings.  And though we shudder, and cry, and lay awake long hours trying to turn off the awful thoughts and images of what might be in our weaker moments, we know in our hearts that there is only one Source of Hope.  For if God is not in control, or He is not good, or He does not have our best in mind ... well then there's no such thing as hope ... only luck, if even that.  But we know these things are true for we know the One who IS the Truth.  And we've put all the chips on His "square" as it were.  It's all or nothing on God. 

And so - as best our faith allows us, we say with Job, "yea though He slay me, yet will I trust in him" (Job 13:15)  or with Daniel's three friends Hananiah, Azariah, and Mishael, "...If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.  But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up." (Dan 3:17-18)

Thanks for all your prayers and support.  We cherish and need every one.



- Tim -

P.S. Please also remember to keep Joey Keller and his parents in your prayers too.  Join their CaringBridge site here:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joeykeller