Weekends at the Hospital

(Mirroring our CaringBridge entry here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/danieljmiller/journal )

Weekends at the Hospital:

As I write this, Andrea and Daniel are off to the hospital again this morning for our next planned admission - the second of four for this phase of chemotherapy.  Though we're very grateful that the staff has agreed to shift these admissions to the weekend so that it's not so hard on us to stay the nights with Daniel, it doesn't make for a very enjoyable weekend for anyone.  Daniel was really dreading this again last night, but the good news is that there is no spinal tap this visit.  Finding that out made him a little happier.

I was rather surprised last night as I got out my copy of the chemotherapy protocol to which he's been assigned to see what was on the agenda for this weekend.  He actually got angry with me stating that he didn't want to see it, didn't want to be around it, and didn't think ANYBODY should have to "see their own chart".  I was dumbfounded.  It's such an opposite reaction to things like this than I had at his age when I underwent kidney surgery and had to go into the doctor twice a week for allergy shots in each arm growing up with fairly severe allergic asthma.  I wanted to learn about everything.  I had a collection of the hypodermic syringes (with needles broken off of course) - hundreds of them.  I even did a science fair project on how the kidney works.

But Daniel wants nothing to do with ANY of it and doesn't even want to have the subject discussed in his presence.  When we're not actually forced to be dealing with the subject, he wants it all as far from him as possible.  Clearly there's a LOT of psychological undertones here and most of this is a defense mechanism.  Some of it at least is unhealthy and I still look for opportunities to help him process through all that's happening.  I want to be sure he at least doesn't have false ideas or expectations about how things are going or his prognosis.  Worries and fears will kill us and we're not meant to carry such burdens even as adults.  Watching a 10 year old go through this - particularly one's own and only child - is soul wrenching.  On the positive side, he's been doing much better recently.  We've been looking for and finding more "fun" things to do and, with his counts improved, we've been able to have more visitors and get out more.  Last weekend, I took him to play LASER Tag - probably his new favorite activity - and that was a huge attitude boost for him.  He's been feeling & acting much more "back to normal" though he still doesn't get out of the house much.  This isn't so much because we won't let him as just the combination of schedules, weather, and limits to his own energy levels (not to mention Andrea's & mine).

I'm back at work today as I've been so much of the time this week, and last, and the one before that...  My team is up against some difficult deadlines and a LOT of people are stressed and putting in lots of hours.  I'm starting the day today with several hours of overtime already on my time card.  So in some ways, I'm actually looking forward to the hospital stays this weekend as I spend the evenings at least with Daniel.  It'll be the most I've seen of him all week.  I'm thankful that at least I'm enjoying the job.  That's an enormous blessing that I'm very thankful for in the midst of all this. 

PRAYER REQUESTS:
1. Please continue to pray for Daniel - he needs God's touch, reassurance, and comfort in his whole being - physical, mental, and spiritual. 
2. More & better family time for all of us, but especially Daniel, to bring more "FUN" into the equation to balance out the rest.
3. Better spiritual (and psychological & physical) leadership on my part so that I can help him process, recover, and build himself up in body, soul, & spirit
4. Along the same lines - that Daniel (and all of us) would be STRENGTHENED through these trials ... that they would accomplish God's purposes in our lives, working together for good both in us & through us to others.
5. Success and minimal (or NO) side-effects from the drugs or complications from all this
6. For Andrea and I as we struggle, seemingly more and more recently, with the stress, communication, and our own marriage through the midst of all this.
7. That God would be glorified in the midst of our family and by what others see / perceive in all this.  If God can use this as a witness or to help others in any way that brings glory to Himself, then all of it is worthwhile.

PS: Please also continue to pray for our friends the Kellers and their boy Joey.  Visit / join his CaringBridge site here; http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joeykeller