Showing posts with label Endurance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Endurance. Show all posts

Sunday, January 20, 2013

2012-13 New Year’s Letter


Family and Friends;

Greetings!  We hope you’ve had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season.  2012 was an eventful  year to say the least.  It’s been a challenge for us to even get this letter out!  Yet we wanted to try to sum up the way each of us experienced these past 12 months and, in some way, to say thank you to all who have been a part of it with us – through your prayers, help, encouragement, and thoughts.  We’ve appreciated each one of you through both the dark times and the highlights.  Thank you all!

                        TIM’S CORNER
The Miller School of Chivalry
As I write this (Jan 2nd), I recall a year ago at this time when Daniel was suffering daily, horrible head and body aches, frequent fevers, and I was in near panic searching for any possible forms of treatment - traditional, chiropractic, holistic, or faith healing for some kind of answers for  Daniel.  The events that followed in the next few days changed our lives forever.

Page Training
For the past couple years, I’d been designing a program to be more “intentional” in my father-son time with Daniel.  It would focus on activities ranging from Bible study, to learning crafts & trades, to P.E., to developing character virtues and manners using the theme of “chivalry” to progress through ranks from “Page” to “Squire”  to “Knight”.  On Jan 1st, 2012 we inducted Daniel into the “Miller School of Knighthood and Chivalry” after taking his oath and signing his “Page’s Pledge”.  He received an honorary dagger and a “Certificate of Induction”.  (See picture links at the end)

An Unexpected Change in Character Development Curriculum:
However, we had no sooner gotten started when my curriculum took an unexpected detour.  On 1/5, we had a doctor's appt. at Riley hospital.  I’d been extremely frustrated with previous doctors’ inaction and expressed to her the seriousness of Daniel’s symptoms.  She listened to me and we began with some blood tests   The appointment ended and I went back to work.  A few hours later, she left a message telling me that she was concerned about the test results and had scheduled an appointment the next morning for a bone marrow biopsy.  I was pleased that she was being “proactive” but I’m glad I didn’t understand the implications of her ordering that test or I wouldn’t have gotten any sleep. 

The next morning, we were back at Riley for a bone marrow test.  The doctors met with us in the recovery room and broke the news ... Daniel had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (A.L.L. for short) – cancer of the bone marrow.  It was similar to Andrea’s C.M.L. diagnosis from a couple of years prior, but the treatment would be very different – full blown chemotherapy.  He was immediately admitted to the hospital and surgery was planned for the following morning to install a “port” (an under-the-skin pin cushion) in his chest through which they would administer the hundreds of injections and blood draws over the coming months along with the first spinal tap. 

We cried – all of us.  Our world stopped, spun backward awhile, and then flipped upside down.  Breathing became a labor-intensive process.  We phoned, texted, and emailed family and friends.  And I wrote my first blog entry on http://timmillersblog.blogspot.com titled “Jan 6, 2012 - A Date of Infamy”.  The doctors told us how he would be “immune compromised” for the next 3 years or more and we began to learn the lingo, process, and what our lives were going to look like for a long time.  We learned how to monitor his health, about new diets and drug restrictions, and how to protect him from infections … especially molds & fungi.  I instantly thought about the lousy old carpets in our house that we hadn’t yet been able to afford to replace.  More than once, I’d discovered mold hiding under it during repairs.  So I decided I would rip them out now and just put sealer on the underlayment until we could replace the actual flooring later when we had the time and money.  I wouldn’t allow Daniel into the house until everything was at least sealed.  But I knew tearing out all that carpet, cleaning, and sealing was going to be a huge job – especially while trying to keep up at work and spending huge amounts of time at the hospital.

God Comes Through:
Daniel at Riley Hospital
God showed up early in all of this though.  Of course, He’d never really left!  We were immediately surrounded by family, friends, and a constantly growing army of people willing to help.  My folks volunteered to let us stay at their place until I deemed the house safe enough for Daniel.  We were admitted to the hospital on Fri 1/6.  On Sunday morning (1/8), I made a brief Facebook petition for volunteers that afternoon to help me start pulling up carpet – I would be home by about 2:30.  Most people I knew were at church and unlikely to see the post until much later.  I headed home about 2p.  By the time I got there, my driveway and entire front yard was filled with cars.  I never counted, but figure about 20-30 people showed up - one even drove up from Kentucky to help!  When I walked in, the job was nearly done.  They boxed up our Christmas decorations, moved the furniture from 3 rooms, and tore up the carpet, padding, and tack strips from every room.  Already home, Andrea was overwhelmed with trying to direct the work, or answer many of the questions.  I left instructions, and scrambled to the store to pick up enough sealer to do the whole 1st floor.  Andrea ordered pizzas, and then headed back to the hospital to be with Daniel. By the time I returned almost everyone was gone and all the carpet, pad, and tack strips were loaded into my trailer.  “Awesome” doesn’t cover it.  A job I expected to take at weeks was done in a couple hours.  It was only the first of MANY blessings God would be sending our way.

With the help of other great friends over the next 2 weeks, I was able to purchase and install laminate flooring in most of the first floor (all except the hallway & entry which will require some repair first).  I blocked off the Family room from the dogs, bought a special air purifier, and made it Daniel’s room for the foreseeable future.  With the new easy-to-clean laminate flooring, no stairs, and immediate access to a bathroom and small entertainment center, it was a much better choice for him than his bedroom.  This set up remained largely unchanged throughout 2012.

A Very Long Year:
Daniel & Papaw after the State Fair
The year has consisted mostly of innumerable trips to Riley Hospital, mid-night ER visits with fevers, many scheduled & unscheduled hospital admissions, learning to give chemo drugs at home, and my working some horrendous hours at work trying to make up for all the time at the hospital.  But through what can only be described as another miracle of God’s timing and providence, my employer has been wonderful.  Not only has the work been mostly enjoyable, but the insurance is considerably better than any of my previous employers, and my boss and team have been incredibly accommodating with my work schedule.  It’s meant precious little time at home with the family in the evenings and that’s been hard on everyone.  Daniel complains he never sees me anymore even though we’ve probably actually spent more time together this year than several previous years – it’s just all been in hospital rooms on fold-out chairs, often with him asleep.  My clearest memories of this past year revolve around endless hours of research; long sleepless nights of alarms, and nurses, and urinals, back massages, endless McDonalds food, uncountable Facebook/CaringBridge/blog entries; and prayer … lots and lots and lots of PRAYER.  

Some FUN Along the Way:
Daniel's 1st Small Plane Flight
There were of course MANY other things happening this year too –there were also good times & fun activities.  In Feb and March, I taught a class in Genesis at a local Bible college and currently teaching a class in Systematic Theology in the evenings.  In March a number of our musician friends put on a benefit concert for Daniel to raise awareness and money to help with his medical bills.  We were blown away at the response and the generosity of those who performed (some coming from other states!) and those who attended.  In May, Rolls-Royce sponsored several cancer patients at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for Carburetion Day. It was Daniel’s first time to the Track!  He was given a huge duffle bag filled with gifts, and visits from the drivers and the Mayor.  In June, Daniel & I visited the Air Force Museum in Dayton.  In July a friend from work, and fellow pilot, flew us to Greensburg for dinner – it was Daniel’s first flight in a small plane (since Daniel’s own dad hasn’t been flying since he was born!)  In Sept, I was invited back to Lawrence United Methodist Church, for their 175th anniv. (I had been a Youth Pastor and on several committees & boards there for many years).  In Oct, we attended two Renaissance Faires – and in Nov, Andrea put together a wonderful surprise birthday party for my 50th.  She also collected nearly 50 personal notes from friends and family and put them into a binder for me.  It’s one of my most prized-possessions.

Joey:
Daniel & Joey Keller at Joey's 9th bday pty
In July, we attended the 9th birthday party of a very dear friend of ours named Joey Keller.  Daniel and Joey had met in our homeschool co-op.  Joey had been battling a very serious form of brain cancer for the past couple of years and so they became much closer when Daniel was also diagnosed with cancer.  Over the past year, our paths crossed frequently with the Kellers and we often exchanged experiences and MANY prayers for one another.  We got to know one another much better.  Joey became markedly worse in October and we began praying very often for them as a family.  I felt led to set up some on-line prayer vigils to schedule people to pray around-the-clock for the Kellers during some of the worst times.  Joey recovered briefly and our hopes soared. But after a couple of weeks his cancer returned and his condition deteriorated rapidly.  He went home to be with the Lord on 11/18 and we were all absolutely devastated.  Having fought constantly against this very nightmare ourselves for the past 11 months only to watch it happen to our friends Nick and Elizabeth cannot be expressed in words.  We continue to solicit your prayers for them and Joey’s grandparents as well.

Thank You!
There are many more people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude than I could ever write thank you notes to this year, but again here I will express my deepest and most sincere gratitude to the many who have come alongside us this year.  From helping with the house, to bringing food, to financial gifts, to going shopping with or for us, to the fathomless amounts of prayer which has gone up on our behalf … thank you!  And may the Lord richly bless you as only He can in the coming year.

ANDREA’S CORNER
As you have seen, this year has been one of stretching, growing, crying, and above all else, trusting in the Lord.  Never in a million years would I have thought our son would get Leukemia also.  Tim and I have both frequently said that if we could trade places with Daniel we would in a heart-beat!  But, for whatever reason, this is the road we are on.  

Our new “normal” has been changed for years yet to come.  I never expected to spend Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Mother’s Day at Riley hospital with either clinic appointments, or admissions due to fevers.  Nurses, needles, hospital lingo, etc. have all become common-place for us now.  I still remember walking through a grocery store once, looking at the “healthy” kids, and wanting to scream inside, “it’s not fair!”  But, if I am honest with myself, I have to admit I have seen our family draw closer, and grow more this year than ever before.  The outpouring of love and help from our brothers and sisters in Christ has been overwhelming!  All the meals, help with cleaning, running of errands, financial help, and especially the prayers have been our life-line this past year.  The growth and maturity I have seen in our son as he gone down this path has been humbling, and makes this momma’s heart swell!  

I’ve struggled with my own health issues during all this too.  I started seeing a new holistic Dr. and he has me taking a fistful of vitamins now daily.  Some have helped, but I struggle daily with low energy levels, body aches and pains, and stomach issues.  A lot of it may be side-effects of the oral chemo drug I take, and will be on the rest of my life. This year I became a distributor for Young Living Essential Oils, and have found some to be helpful at helping me keep from catching bugs so easily.  I had a sleep study this spring and was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and Sleep Apnea.  I still haven’t done much to address these issues.  This spring I developed a bad case of Planter Fascitis in my left heel, and am seeing a podiatrist.  Walking is very painful most of the time now.  

But despite of all the health issues, we’ve managed to have some fun this year!  We had play days, trips to the park, and pool days this summer.  In the Spring my cousin Ed from Tampa was here a couple of times on business, and one of them both he and my cousin Kammie and her family from Evansville were over for dinner.  I was so happy to get to spend time with them!  We finally made it to the State Fair with the Grandparents and cousins and Daniel had a ball. Unfortunately shortly afterward Daniel got the flu (probably at the fair) and ended up back in the hospital for several days.  We spent Labor Day weekend at Turkey Run Inn while friends from church camped.  We were giving Daniel his last at-home IV chemo treatments in the hotel!  In spite of the heat and rain we had a great time.  Daniel also had fun dressing up for Halloween this year as a character from one of his video games.  He looked great, and had fun trick-or-treating with our dear friends the Loobies.  We also got in our annual trip to the pumpkin patch, and Daniel and I went to the Headless Horseman hayride at Conner Prairie for the first time. We had hoped to spend Thanksgiving in Iowa, but with the sad news of the passing of our dear friend Joey Keller, attending his Celebration service the day after Thanksgiving had to be our priority.  We still enjoyed a delicious meal with Tim’s family and extended cousins at a local restaurant.  In mid-December we celebrated our 23rd anniversary in Nashville, IN and enjoyed walking around town, touring Oliver Winery, and seeing “The Hobbit.”  Daniel and I both had pretty bad colds, but we still had a great Christmas with the family.  

We continue to homeschool Daniel, and that has been a huge blessing with our schedule now.  Daniel would have missed so much time if he were in public schools, but finished 4th grade just a couple weeks past our normal time. So far 5th grade hasn’t been far behind normal, and Daniel is doing well with his studies.  Having had to miss most of the second semester of co-op and AWANA 2nd semester last year, it’s been nice to be involved again this school year.  He’s missed some meetings due to low blood counts, and the bugs going around, but has been able to participate a little more recently.  We got rid of our chickens and miss the fresh eggs, but couldn’t keep up with their care with all going on this past year.  We still have our two dogs, Diezel and Samson, who have lovingly been by our sides through thick and thin.  This year has been a stretch for them as well!  We briefly had a pet garter snake, but released her this fall back to the woods.  Our newest family member is Daniel’s Leopard Gecko named Draco. We’re hoping and praying that 2013 will be a “healthier” year for the Miller family, and that we will continue to grow ever closer to the Lord and to each other as we continue this journey together.

DANIEL’S CORNER
This past year has been the most intense year of my life.  The worst things were being diagnosed with A.L.L., which was the worst of all, and all that came with it – getting the port installed, all the shots, spinals, chemo drugs, bone marrow tests, being admitted to the hospital so many times, not being able to have play days (because of low counts or having to stay away from others who might be sick), and not being able to eat many of the foods or places I like to eat, and losing my hair.  Although they were very hard, tough, intense, and stressful, I’ve made it through, I’m OK, and now that I’m in the Maintenance phase, things should go smoothly.  

Christmas at Tim's folks'
Other than all the bad things, I’ve had a fairly good year.  I’ve gotten many presents and surprises, such as my Nintendo DSi (which Dad would have NEVER let me have if it wasn’t for Riley), my “small” Make-A-Wish Foundation gift (a giant LEGO Star Wars ship with an eight-legged tank), making several new friends in the cancer ward at Riley, getting to know Joey Keller better, and the nurses – some of whom I’d almost consider to be close friends now, and many new LEGO sets.  We had a great Christmas this year, and I can hardly believe I’m 11 years old now.  I actually feel older this year – taller, stronger, and more mature.  I always remember looking up to others who were 11 years old, and now I’m 11 and I want to be the kind of person I most appreciated in older boys when I was young.  I remember certain friends who never left me out or walked away from me when I was littler than them and I remember how that made me feel. 

This year, I’ve also learned a lot spiritually.  I’ve learned a lot about spiritual warfare, and my dad taught me how to visualize Jesus sitting next to me and I use that a lot when I’m fighting depression or feeling anxious, or sometimes just to have Him with me.  I look forward to my hair coming back in to be as long as it was before.  I hope everyone else had a good year last year and will have a great year in 2013.  I’d like to say a big thank you to everyone for all the great presents, cards, games, visits, and those who looked after me (especially the one who brought cookies!)   Thank You!

Wishing you all the very best in 2013,

Tim, Andrea, Daniel,
(Samson, Diezel, and Draco)


To see our "Best of 2012" Photo Album, please visit one of the following links:

Facebook: (small size. No account needed)

Picasaweb:(full size. No account needed)


Other Miller Links: 
 
Daniel’s Caring Bridge site here:
 
Tim’s Facebook page:
 
Andrea’s Facebook page:
 

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Remembering A Year Ago Today

It's hard to believe.  It seems at once like it was only a month ago and also like 10 years ago.  But exactly one year ago on this day (the 5th as I write this), Daniel went in for a scheduled doctor visit to a specialist at Riley Hospital for Children.  He'd been having a lot of awful symptoms for a month or more and I had had it with waiting around on doctors to take us seriously.  I let this doctor have an ear full of my frustration and she patiently listened to me and, thankfully, took me seriously.  She ordered an immediate blood test and called me back within a few hours after I'd returned to work.  She said she'd taken the liberty of scheduling another appointment for us the following morning for a bone marrow biopsy.  I was happy she was being so proactive.  Little did I know what she suspected.

The next day, Friday 1/6/2012, the biopsy test came back positive for leukemia and our entire world stopped cold.  My first blog entry here tells the story, titled, "Jan 6, 2012 - A Date of Infamy".  What a year it's been.  We're still trying to put together our "Christmas Letter".  I guess it's a "New Year's Letter" now, but it'll be out soon I promise.  (I'll post it here as well).

Tonight as I tucked Daniel into bed, I'm still checking his temperature, asking how he feels, and find myself fighting the urge to panic at every cough, or ache,  or decision to go to bed early.  I do my best never to show TOO much concern and to temper it with a few "manly" father-to-son responses such as: "Ahh - suck it up boy", or "Walk it off - you'll be fine".  But if I'm candid with myself (and you: my dear blog readers), the truth is it's a constant battle with anxiety and fear.  Watching the Kellers go through the hell they endured has certainly had an enormous effect on me as well.

This year has been filled with MANY lessons - most of which I'm probably not even aware of.  But if I were to name the single, greatest, most persistent challenge that's plagued me (and I presume Andrea as well, but I'll only speak for myself here) it's been the control of FEAR. 

Fear is the enemy.  Fear is a sin.  Fear is our mind saying to God, "I don't trust You with the future. Deep down I think You either can't or won't do what's best for me".  The Bible has a great deal to say about Fear.  It is insidious, and must be stopped at its very onset, for the longer it continues, the tighter its hold becomes on your soul ... I know.  When the Word instructs us to "take every thought captive unto the obedience of Christ" (2 Cor 10:5) it's providing us with very specific and practical instructions for dealing with such thoughts as Fear and Anxiety that can ensnare us.  I'm not here to tell you I've become good at this.  I haven't.  But I'm better than I was a year ago today and I thank God for these lessons along the way. 

That following day, Jan 6th, was easily one of the worst days of my life.  I'm not sure it tops the list, but it's in the top 3 for sure!  Yet God was with us every step of the way and He remains with us today.  As we settle in to sleep tonight, our lives are no more or less secure than they have been on any other day.  Our sense of "security" and "normalcy" is a complete illusion except insofar as it is based in the faith that God controls all things.  Some of what God brings to us we enjoy, some we do not, but we can be sure ... we MUST be sure ... "that ALL things work together for good" (Rom 8:28) when we give our lives to Him.  This year has seemed like one gigantic test of whether we truly believe that to be true.  Some days have been better than others to be sure.  But we do know, that only when we rest in Him is there any real and lasting peace, joy, comfort, rest, or security. Gradually, I'm learning to do this.  Learning to trust God in ALL things - even with the life of my only son - is among the most challenging tasks I've ever been given, yet it is also clearly among the most important and eternally significant lessons any of us can learn ... ever.

We will be "celebrating" the completion of the first and, we pray, the hardest year of Daniel's chemotherapy on Monday.  It's been a difficult road, but we've been amazingly, astoundingly blessed over and over and over by God's grace, His providence, His comfort, and His love directly to us as well as through so many of His wonderful people who have gathered around us.  We thank you all and we thank God for all He has done, and all He continues to do.

Grace and peace to all;

- Tim -



Friday, November 16, 2012

An Update on Joey & Request For Prayer and Fasting

I was able to get to the hospital last night and spend some time with Eliz, both sets of grandparents, and a couple other prayer warriors.  I never did get to see Nick & Joey, but we prayed together in the Family Room on the same floor and had a really sweet time in prayer and fellowship for awhile.

Nick put out a CaringBridge post a short time later titled "Update (iPad)":
          http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joeykeller

One thing I did learn that I think I can share is that Joey is NOT intubated (not on a ventilator) as I had thought.  That was good news.  Per Nick's post though, there's not much other good news right now.  As he stated, things are continuing to decline - quickly.  Without a miracle, it could be a matter of days or even hours from a medical perspective.

What we need, pure and simple, is a touch from God - exactly what He has done so many times over the past many months (years!) bringing Joey back from the brink.  The episode with the seizures a few weeks ago where Joey had become completely unresponsive and some of the doctors were even recommending "pulling the plug" at one point, is powerful evidence of God's divine hand upon our little brother Joey.  Only a week later, Joey was back home and the doctors were stumped as to why there was no brain damage showing up in test results from the seizures.

The Lord definitely showed up last night as we prayed.  The sense of peace and power that filled the room in which we prayed was amazing and wonderful.  We can ALL be assured that our God is well aware of Joey's need, of all our thousands of requests and petitions on his behalf, and He is most surely at work in the situation.

Knowing what He is up to - what His will and His plan is - is another matter sometimes.  But we can ALWAYS rest in absolute certainty that our Father has all our best interests in His heart and plans for us ... especially Joey's. 

I want, with all my heart, soul, mind, and spirit, to see Joey healed.  And I have absolutely no reason whatsoever, at this moment, to believe that God wants anything different.  So unless and until He reveals that His plan is anything other than a complete healing for Joey, I intend to continue to pray, fast, intercede, do spiritual battle, and pronounce healing to him with all the faith and "belief" I can muster ... and to encourage as many others as I can to do the same.

We recognize, of course, the possibility that God's will may very well be different from our own or at times, even hidden from us no matter how hard we seek to discern it.  He's God, and we're not. He is not constrained or in any way obligated to tell us all His plans and intentions.  In fact, it is absolutely staggering that He chooses to do so at all!  Yet it is often His pleasure and desire to reveal Himself to us that we may know Him and trust Him better.  But even in those times when we do not understand His will or His actions, we can rest with absolute certainty that He is planning and working for the best possible outcome for Joey and all involved.  We know that God is perfectly, completely, and consistently good, loving, gracious, and holy in everything He does.  Period!  We often mistakenly state that God's attribute of "omnipotence" means He can do ANYTHING.  But that is not true.  There are many things God cannot do.  He cannot lie, He cannot sin, He cannot learn, in fact He cannot do anything that is inconsistent with His nature - which includes perfect love and perfect grace.  So when we find ourselves disagreeing with God's choices or actions, that speaks only of our fallibility and limited understanding of the situation.

Unfortunately, that does not mean that we'll "feel good" about everything that God does.  There will be grief, pain, suffering, hardship, and death in all our lives.  We are promised this (John 16:33, Matt 13:21, Jas 1:2, 1Pet 1:6, etc.).  Our maturity comes when we learn to trust God through the midst of these hardships and still know that "... in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -- Rom 8:28

I have not spoken much about this line of thinking because, frankly, I really do believe that God will yet heal Joey.  And I want to do my very best to pray BELIEVING that he will recover (Mt 10:1, 8; Mk 16:18; Lk 9:1-2, 10:9, etc.)

So if you believe that our God heals, I continue to exhort and encourage you to stand with us fasting, praying, and pronouncing God's healing upon Joey.  Things have once again become desperate in that little room in downtown Indianapolis - and from a human medical perspective, even "hopeless".  But there is no such thing as "hopelessness" in Jesus Christ.  And as Nick has said so many times before, if it weren't impossible, it wouldn't be a miracle when it happens!! 

                *  *  *            *  *  *           *  *  *

So if you consider yourself a Christian, please join or continue with us:

FASTING:
If you are willing, we highly encourage you to fast along with your prayers.  I hope to create another blog post on the subject in the near future about fasting in general, but there's lots of info out there if you're not familiar with this spiritual discipline.  Remember that it doesn't have to be a "total fast" (all food) - a "partial fast" (certain foods or kinds of foods) can be effective, and it doesn't even have to be food.  We can fast TV or media, or a hobby, etc.  Please pray about where God would lead you in this regard.


PRAYER:
1. Complete and immediate healing for Joey.  Again, I hope to create another blog about my thoughts on healing prayer in general in the near future - but let me sum up in this way.  I believe there are two kinds of ways to pray for healing.
  1. Intercessory Prayer - letting our "requests be made known to God" (Phil 4:6-7), 
  2. True "Healing Prayer" - this may not technically be a "prayer", but rather an exercising of the authority that Jesus gives to His disciples when He sends out both the 12 on one occasion and 70 on another occasion commanding them to "heal the sick" "in My name" (along with casting out demons, raising the dead, and preaching the Kingdom.) (Mt 10:1, 8; Mk 16:18; Lk 9:1-2, 10:9, etc.).  If you are a Christian, then the authority of Jesus' name is given to you to do these things. Of course it must still be in-line with the will of God, but this teaches us how we should pray for the sick.
2. All damage caused by cancer, infection, or treatments would be healed and those tissues and systems strengthened and made whole and functioning properly again.

3. Similar to the "Healing Prayer" above, Jesus gave His followers (in the same verses) authority to drive out evil spirits. His followers returned rejoicing saying, "Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name."  Use this authority given to you to drive out any such spirits that may be involved in what is happening to Joey and destroy their works.

4. That ALL of Joey's being would be renewed, refreshed, rejuvenated, and regenerated - Body, Heart, Mind, Soul, and Spirit - to total health, wellness, peace, and joy.

5. That God will continue to raise-up, "burden", and work through faithful Christians through whom the Spirit can minister to Joey and the family - through prayer, through laying on of hands, through encouragement, ministry, helps, and all the other spiritual gifts that can be of benefit to the family.

6. That God would be glorified through all this.  That many would come to know Him or know Him better and learn to trust in Him and commit their lives to Him.


As always: THANK YOU for your prayers, encouragement, and faithfulness on behalf of the Kellers.

- Tim -

P.S.  I was really taken with this posting by Joni Earekson Tada this morning.  Seems to speak directly to the situation at hand in a way that she is uniquely qualified to do:
http://www.joniandfriends.org/radio/5-minute/enter-storehouses/#.UKaNmvxqD3M.facebook

Monday, September 17, 2012

Celebrating a Major Milestone and God's Grace

Today we achieved a major milestone in Daniel's chemotherapy schedule. This afternoon, Andrea and Daniel went into Riley to receive the last 3 intramuscular injections of the last drug of the last division of the last intensive phase of chemotherapy.  We're a long way from being completely done with the chemo, but from here on out we'll be in what's called the "Maintenance" phase which, other than a few oral drugs, amounts to only one clinic visit a month.  All the really intensive stuff is now OVER!!!!  YIPPPEEEEEEE!!!!  :-D :-D :-D

Don't misunderstand me here, what remains is still not going to be easy.  We're in for more than 2-1/2 years of monthly visits, each one of which will include a spinal tap, a couple of IV chemo drugs, and ongoing oral meds including many rounds of steroids.  We're not out of the woods, but we do feel like we've just emerged from a very long, dark tunnel deep underground.  For that, we are VERY, very thankful!

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to figure out how best to celebrate this major event.  I consider it to be the 2nd most important milestone of the whole chemo course (the 1st of course being the end of it all - which will probably be Monday 4/27/2015 Lord willing).  Unfortunately, most of what I came up with hasn't really worked out ... at least not yet.  Over the coming days & weeks we'll still likely include a few more activities and a gift or two in celebration of his achievement.  But for tonight, our celebration amounted to a (very) nice dinner for the 3 of us and a short awards ceremony.  I'd intended to have a nice gift for him, but as it turns out, he probably didn't really want what I was going to get him anyway (thank you Lord that they weren't in stock today!)

I told Daniel he could pick any restaurant he wanted tonight - "the sky's the limit".  Well he came pretty close to hitting that limit, but we thoroughly enjoyed the nice meal downtown.  We wandered around the mall for a bit and then came home and I was frantically trying to put together an award (that I spaced doing earlier) before he got too tired.  I didn't make it.  By the time I had it ready, Andrea informed me he'd just gone up to bed.  I had to actually drag him back downstairs to do my little ceremony.  He wasn't very happy with that, but he did enjoy what I did for him.

Because of his new-found love of military things, I chose to award him with a genuine Purple Heart medal.  Now before all the vets jump on me about this, let me state a few things up front.  First of all, yes it's legal, I checked.  Second, this is in NO WAY intended to detract from or in any way even compare to those who have earned this honor in service to our country. You have our undying respect and gratitude and IMO the possession of a chunk of medal is not what grants one entrance to the true Order Of The Purple Heart.  Because I knew (and explained it anyway) that Daniel would understand these things, and because he has most legitimately also been wounded (countless times in countless ways) in a very real battle for his own life, and because of his own love for military things, I chose this honor as most befitting what he has been through. I know that it will be cherished and respected for what it really means as well as what it means to him personally and, for me, I believe it's a fitting gift.

What it's really meant to illustrate is that this has very definitely been a war ... a war no 10 year old should ever have to fight ... yet here we are and so we must be victorious.  The enemy may be firing bullets, mortars, and artillery rounds at us, but there are SEVERAL very real enemies with every real weapons, and they are just as lethal to my son's life.  Our enemies are both physical (cancer), emotional (fear, depression, defeat) and spiritual (Satan and his host) and any one of them could (and have attempted to) take our son's life on several occasions.  He bears the scars in his body (surgeries, broken bones, no hair, more needle pricks than you can count), in his emotions, and in his spirit, but he continues to press on.  Sometimes I've literally had to carry him back from the "front lines", other times, he's pushed forward in his own strength and courage, but the battles have been relentless and multi-fronted for over 9 months now.

I've believed for a long time, that this war was not really about cancer. In fact, crazy as it may sound, I actually believe he was healed back in January when we went to visit Solomon Wickey (check the blog history if you missed that story back at the beginning).  But for whatever reason, God did not give me the all-clear to stop the chemotherapy at that time, nor has He since.  We've been in this for the long-haul, not for the cure (I believe we've already received that directly from the Lord), but for the scars.  As crazy as that may sound, we need the scars - we all do.  We don't learn, grow, toughen up, gain patience, endurance, or experience, by having an easy life.  No athlete wins the prize after spending years sitting on the couch.  It takes years of discipline, self-sacrifice, "pummeling" the body into submission (as Paul put it), and enough difficulty to build a drive to want to win.  Likewise, no soldier wins the battle without months of training, discipline, and having his "comforts" stripped away until he is molded into a fighting machine that follows orders without hesitation and reacts to danger with courage, training, a fighting spirit.

Am I saying I think God caused these events to come into our lives? Absolutely not.  Bad things happen for lots of reasons - all of which can be traced back to the presence of sin and evil in the creation at some point, but not because God made it that way.  So we never blame God for bad things.  But yes, God does allow "bad" things to come into our lives, within certain boundaries (e.g. 1 Cor 10:13), and always in accordance with a plan for both our and His greater good and glory (Rom 8:28) IF and only IF we have trusted our lives into His hands (no such promises exist for those who have not given their lives to Christ).

So without going any deeper into the theology lesson (my theology class at the Bible college begins in January! lol :), the point here is that we know we're here for the lessons God wants to teach us.  I personally believe that the outcome is assured - thought that is not to say God isn't still in charge or can't change things around if we're not "getting it".  But we're trying hard to learn / absorb / be molded by all that He brings our way.  The greatest tragedy for a Christian going through a trial is NOT that we had to go through it - but if we go through it and don't learn anything ... don't allow God to shape us and teach us, and build our character through the midst of it.

If Hannaniah, Azariah, and Mishael (more commonly known as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) had simply obeyed king Nebuchadnezzar, they could have avoided an absolutely awful trial. But then there would not have been a Daniel chapter 3 for us to read 2600 years later either. (Well OK, there would still be a 3rd chapter, but it would be about something else).  

So we continue to pray as best we can, and ask our prayer partners to join us this way also, not to pray for the trials to end before God's timing, but that we might get the most benefit out of them.  How awful it would be to go through all this and miss the lessons they were intended to teach us!!!

Ever so slowly, we are being changed in all this. We are learning to trust God; we are learning to "not sweat the small stuff", we are learning to trust that God really is in control of all things, at all times, in all ways. 

Our "near miss" this past Friday when Daniel & Andrea were in an auto accident was a good example of this.  They were driving north on our road and about to turn right into our drive way coming home from Daniel's chemo clinic appointment.  As she slowed (brake lights and turn signals all working and on), the driver behind her was both talking on the phone, and (he says) fishing for something in his pocket ... i.e. not watching the road.  By the time he looked up, Andrea was nearly stopped in front of him.  He swerved to the right shoulder and off the road narrowly avoiding rear-ending our car.  He'd have gone completely around her if she hadn't been turning into the driveway.  But as the car turned, he hit the right, front fender - just a couple feet in front of Daniel's door!  Damage was minor, no one was hurt, the car is still driveable, and it was clearly his fault.  I was really fearful that this would freak out Daniel - who always seems to be just a heartbeat away from succumbing to the constant stress in his life anyway.  But quite to the contrary, as Andrea wrote in her earlier entry, Daniel thought it was "really cool" to have been in "his first accident".  Really?  REALLY?!  Well, thank you Lord - I can't imagine any other source of that kind of reaction.  He enjoyed even more that the police officer that showed up was a K-9 unit and Daniel got to say hi to the dog and check out the SUV cruiser for awhile.

Further demonstrating that this was in God's hands from beginning to end, as they were pulling into the driveway in the first place, she was having to navigate around a delivery truck parked there.  For a week or two prior, my cousin in Tennessee had been emailing with me to arrange a gift to get to Daniel from a woman in her prayer group that had been praying for Daniel for some time.  She'd felt led to get Daniel a gift and we'd been going through the logistics of what kind of gift, shipping, timing, all that.  And both these completely unrelated chains of events came together in such a way that, one of the nicest gifts Daniel has ever received was there waiting for him to take his mind off this situation that COULD HAVE BEEN really bad within only split-second differences in timing or locations.  By the time I got home from work, they'd both forgotten completely about the accident and it's just been a non-issue for us entirely.  What an incredible "coincidence"! :-)  Of course not - God knew and has always known exactly what He was doing it and His timing is perfect in all things.  The more and the faster we all come to rely on that understanding, the better off and the better disciples we will be.

As always, thank you all for your continued prayers, thoughts, notes, comments, and gifts.  

I added a couple pictures to the CaringBridge album - one of the damage to the car, and the other of Daniel receiving his purple heart. For more pics of each, visit our Facebook Album at the links below.

Grace and Peace,

- Tim -



Tuesday, September 4, 2012

A Second Battle for the Same Town

Mirror post at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/danieljmiller/journal

In World War-II, my Uncle Bob Slater was a member of the 94th Infantry Division, 302d, of Gen. George Patton's 3rd Army.  Shortly after the Battle of the Bulge ended, they were fighting hard in an area known as the Siegfied Line and every town was a really tough fight.  One town in particular I'm especially familiar with for reasons I'll come to later. It was the tiny town of Sinz near the German, France, Luxembourg borders.  It was a terrible battle and many men were killed, many more wounded during the fight.  But they took the town.

Within hours, they were informed that the armored company that had supported them was being detached (pulled out) for another engagement.  They knew they could not hold the town without the armor and had to retreat only to be faced with taking the exact same town again later ... at the expense of more lives of course.  They did take the town again and continued to push forward into Germany until the war was won only 4 months later.

Why do I go into all this on Daniel's page?  Because tomorrow (Wed 9/4/12) it feels like we're going into battle to take the same town for the second time.  Last week, we thought it would be the biggest of the battles we faced during this last intensive phase of his chemotherapy.  Unfortunately, because Daniel forgot he wasn't supposed to eat after midnight the night before, and his parents didn't realize the mistake, we had to postpone the worst part of the scheduled treatments ... the spinal tap.  Rather than pushing it back to late afternoon the same day, they just postponed the spinal a week since we were due to be back in the clinic anyway.  Even more unfortunately, this put the spinal on the same day as the first round of his shots piling up two of Daniel's most dreaded treatments.

If you've followed us through the beginning of this phase, you may recall that he had to endure six different treatments of 3 injections each, spaced 2 days apart.  I won't go back through the "whys" here, but suffice it to say, with Daniel's hatred of needles, he had a really tough time dealing with this treatment.  His other arch-nemesis is the spinal tap.  He has to be put under for this and recent experiences have left him much more nauseated and with a sore back than they did originally.  So while he was quite happy to postpone the spinal last week, here we are again staring at the same battle for the second time.  Only this time, we're also got a regular chemo IV plus the dreaded leg injections all piled together.  It's like taking the same town again, but this time they know we're coming!

He started struggling with anxiety on Sunday and had it even worse last night.  So far, some discussions about courage, spiritual armor, God's peace, and taking our thoughts "captive" have been able to turn things around for him. But I'm not looking forward to tonight as the evening wears on.

Tomorrow, if the battle goes as planned, we'll be through yet another spinal (only 23 more scheduled), another infusion of this drug (24 more scheduled), and the first of 6 sets of injections over the next week and a half (15 more injections).  It'll be a tough battle over the next 24 hours - in some ways, the actual procedures will be easier than the waiting period ahead of time.

I'm reminded of a line from the movie "The Lord Of The Rings" by the Hobbit named Pippin when he said, "I don't want to be in a battle, but waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse."  I'm sure Daniel would agree!

I'm familiar with the first Battle for Sinz, on Jan 26th, 1945 because in it, my uncle Bob was mortally wounded, dying a week later at a field hospital.  It was tragic to learn that all the ground they'd won in the battle that claimed his life was lost again just a day later, yet ultimately I know his sacrifice was not in vain and the war was won. You can read a little bit about the battle here: http://www.angelfire.com/va2/worldwar2family/freddie4.html Scroll down to the entry titled: "SINZ: The Lynchpin". 

So too shall our war be won with Faith, Fortitude, Courage, and Perseverance.  Making advances against the enemy is never entirely in vain - even if we suffer the occasional set back.  It's not the ground we cover, it's the victories we win.  And if we win two victories for every loss on the same ground, we're still winning and still moving forward overall.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, support, and all the wonderful comments.  Rest assured we feel and appreciate every one (both prayers and comments ... but especially the prayers. :)  

For our prayer partners, the above text should provide plenty of prayer requests without my listing them again here.  Again ... THANK YOU. and may God bless each of you.

- Tim, Andrea, & Daniel -

Please also continue to pray for our friends The Kellers and their son Joey.  Read their updates here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joeykeller

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

No Piggy Flu Here!

Passing on Andrea's latest CaringBridge post on Daniel & us.
Mirrored from http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/danieljmiller/journal


No piggy flu here!

Written by Andrea Miller
Quick update on Daniel.  He was put into quarantine at Riley pending the outcome of the cultures taken for bacterial and viral infections.  This meant we also had to be in a gown, mask and gloves the whole time we were with him in the room.  REALLY was not comfortable.  Don't know how Tim did it sleeping in that.  

He was released late Sunday afternoon as the bacterial cultures had not grown anything during the 24 hr time period needed.  He is still coughing and tired.  His hair, which had pretty much grown back, is now falling out by the fistful. His counts are still very low, but beginning to make a gradual come back.  His clinic apt. for this week was canceled since it was count dependent and was very unlikely his would be anywhere near the min.needed to begin the 2nd half of this phase of treatment.

Today Tim got a message from his Dr. that they did get a positive culture on the viral test.  He has Parainfluenza - mild case of the flu (go here for description:  
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002346    )
The description of his symptoms is right on target.  We are so thankful that he did not have the new strain of Swine Flu that they have been seeing at Riley.  There is no treatment for this, other than just watching to be sure cough doesn't worsen, temp doesn't go up again, or any other symptoms develop.  I too seem to have caught the same thing as I've been coughing a lot and had a runny nose and achy.  

He'll be very limited on activities as we minimize his exposure during recovery from this, as well as not expose any others to it.   Thanks again to everyone who has been praying for him and us.


Adding my own thoughts (Tim):
It was indeed a rough weekend at the hospital having to constantly be dressed in full gown, mask, & gloves - even sleeping that way.  Thankfully, Daniel's symptoms didn't worsen over the weekend. Unfortunately, they haven't really gotten much better either. And now it appears Andrea has it and it's trying to get me.  I felt lousy all day but trying to kick its butt with lotsa vitamins, good food & rest.  Usually I can stave off such things, but we'll see, the stress of recent events at home & work doesn't help.  

It's been rough watching Daniel turn back around and start losing all his hair again ... really fast!  It's everywhere and gets him really frustrated too find hand-fulls on his pillows and clothes. The doctor said it takes about a month after a particular chemo treatment before it actually starts making hair fall out, so we're seeing the effects of something he had a month ago - probably a drug called Doxorubicen, but even the doc wasn't 100% sure.  He had three treatments with the last one having been as recent as 8/1. So if the effects don't show up for a month, then all we're seeing now was just from the very first one.  So we're not holding out a lot of hope of keeping any of his hair this time.  He actually had 4 treatments at the start of all this back in January and he only lost about 1/2 or 2/3 of his hair.  But he's been through a lot more leading up to this time and some of the nurses have said it's common to lose it all on the 2nd round.  We'll see.  That will be hard on him.

During the stay in the hospital, Daniel discovered a WW-II video game they had for the Play Station 3 in his room that he really liked.  I bought him a used copy for his Wii at home as his "prize" for having had to be admitted (we always try to reward his bravery with a gift of some kind when he has to be admitted - it has helped a LOT to have something positive to look forward too.)  So he's REALLY been enjoying this game since we got home, and after 10 years of pestering from Dad, he's finally interested in something having to do with WW-II (a huge hobby / interest of mine).  So of course I've been capitalizing on this big time and it's been a lot of fun for us in the evenings alternating between watching old WW-II movies and playing his new game on the Wii.  :-)  Any moments of "fun" (not to mention togetherness) we can pull out of all the bad things going on in his life right now, I latch onto with both hands!

As Andrea described, we've delayed the start of the 2nd half of this final intensive phase for at least a week.  One last big push - about a month's worth - and we'll be into the Maintenance phase.  Even that's nothing particularly easy, but it's a lot better than what we've been through and, hopefully, will become routine fairly quickly.

As always, we so VERY much appreciate your thoughts and prayers. And we ESPECIALLY appreciated the entire Horizon Youth group dropping by on Sunday just as Daniel & I were coming home from the hospital.  They helped with cleaning the house and lots of yard work.  Please keep all of us in your prayers to get past the flu invasion at our place quickly, and for Daniel to get through this last month of intensive chemo as quickly and courageously as possible.  And of course, our standing prayer requests are always for complete healing, no complications, and for God to be glorified in all of this.

Please also remember to be praying for Joey, Elizabeth, and Nick Keller and to keep up with their CaringBridge site as well: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joeykeller

Grace and Peace to all,

- Tim -